


A Second Chance

by wow717



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Eddie Kaspbrak, Adult Losers Club (IT), Adult Richie Tozier, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst with a sad ending, Boys In Love, Canon Gay Character, Canon Rewrite, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Choose Your Own Ending, Crazy Henry Bowers, Dorks in Love, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak makes the first move, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier-centric, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, First Love, Fix-It of Sorts, Forbidden Love, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Male Character, Gay Richie Tozier, Heavy Angst, Henry Bowers Being an Asshole, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kid Eddie Kaspbrak, Losers Club (IT) Reunion, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Mentioned Losers Club (IT), Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Break Up, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Richie Tozier Being an Asshole, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier Saves the Day, Richie Tozier cries a lot, Sad, Sadism, Soft Richie Tozier, Teen Angst, Teenage Losers Club (IT), The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trauma, True Love, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-31 20:46:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21151952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wow717/pseuds/wow717
Summary: Eddie confronts Richie at the inn wanting to know if Richie remembers the short romance they shared at 14-years-old. Richie remembers, but has so much he wishes he could forget again. Through flashbacks we learn how they got together and the horrible events that drove them apart. Will they get a second chance at happiness? Or will Richie have to find a way to move on from his trauma alone? You decide in this incredibly angsty choose your own ending story. The sweet childhood romance, heartbreaking trauma, sad regretful adults, and reconciliation stays the same, but you get to decide if Eddie dies in the sewers or lives.





	1. A Beautiful Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly a very sweet Reddie story, that attempts to squeeze a deeper Reddie lovestory into the confines of the existing movie canon. 
> 
> CW: However, please be warned that there is a chapter which contains graphic description of sexual assault of a minor. I felt like it was necessary for the story I wanted to tell, but I could see it being jarring compared with the rest of the story and I don't want anyone to be forced to endure something they're uncomfortable with. There is a summary with the graphic elements removed if you want to skip.
> 
> I couldn't decide how I wanted to end it, so I wrote two endings, one sad and one happy. For the sad ending, skip the last chapter. For the happy ending, skip the second to last chapter. I think like the happy ending better now that all is said and done, but part of me is addicted to the angst as well.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the chaos of the Chinese restaurant, the Losers learn they must stay and face Pennywise or Bev's visions of their future deaths will come true. Eddie uses this opportunity to talk to Richie about something that's bothered him since childhood, though he only remembered any of it when he got the call from Mike. Richie reminisces about his first love.

Richie went back upstairs to his room in a huff. He was still drunk from the Chinese restaurant but had somewhat sobered up after the heated conversation he had with the other Losers downstairs. He hated feeling trapped, but after Bev’s revelation that they’d all “die horribly” if they left, he knew he had to stay. Richie flopped down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. _Pennywise_, he thought, _how the fuck are we supposed to beat it?_ In the hours since he’d returned to Derry, memories had been flooding back to him. The Losers had a great time at dinner reminiscing about the few good ones, but nearly every other memory Richie had, he wished he could just forget again. He thought, _Maybe a horrible death is worth getting the fuck out of this town,_ but before he could take it any further there was a knock at the door. “Yeah?”

“Hey it’s me,” Eddie said meekly, sticking his head in.

Richie shot up, suddenly very nervous, “Hey, what’s up?”

Eddie walked in, closing the door behind him and took a seat at the vanity. “I just, thought we should, um, talk.”

Richie looked confused, “Talk about what?”

“Okay,” Eddie said slowly, “well, how much do you remember?”

Richie knew what Eddie was referring to, but continued to play coy, “Remember about what? Dude, you’re going to have to be more specific, I’ve had my entire childhood flooding back to me in waves ever since we got back here.”

“Us,” Eddie said softly, “how much do you remember about us?”

Richie remembered everything. His mind drifted back to the first time they’d kissed.

They were lying in the hammock in the clubhouse. The other Losers had all left one by one, Bev being the last to go. Richie was surprised Eddie was still there. Usually, he and Bev would share a smoke after all the others had gone home, but even she had left and they were still there in the hammock, legs entwined. Richie kept stealing glances up at Eddie. He didn’t want to leave but it was getting late.

Eddie put down the comic book he’d been staring at (but not actually reading) and nervously asked, “Hey Rich?”

“Yeah?”

“Listen, I need to talk with you about something,” his voice was nervous but steady. “I had to wait until the others left.”

Richie sat up a little, “Sure, what’s up?”

“Okay, look, I have to tell you something, but I need you to promise me you won’t make jokes or do voices or anything. Please, do you swear?”

Richie nodded, taken aback by the seriousness in Eddie’s voice.

“Richie,” Eddie took in a deep but shaky breath, “I like you, I mean I like like you, not just as a friend.”

Richie blushed. He had thought about it before. He felt like they had an unspoken flirtation. Richie wasn’t really sure what to make of it, content to keep the game going and stave off any chance at rejection. Never in a million years did he think Eddie would be the one to make a move. He felt shy, delighted, and yet a little bit salty at the idea that the seemingly meek little boy in red shorts had shown him up. “Cool.”

“Cool? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“You know, it’s cool that you like me,” Richie said defensively. He felt a little guilty but always found it fun to get Eddie flustered and couldn’t resist the opportunity.

“Okay, so does that mean you like me back? Are you freaked out? Do you hate me now? Because, seriously asshole, this isn’t fucking easy, and it took me so long to build up the courage to do this and like, even if you’re rejecting me, fine, but like, you could say more than just “cool.” Like, what the fuck even is that? What does th – “

Richie put his hand over Eddie’s mouth, stopping his freak out. “Yes, I like you back. I always have. I just can’t believe you were the first one to say something.”

Eddie smiled, “Why is that surprising? I’ve always been the brave one.”

Richie loved seeing Eddie confident, “Yeah, I guess that’s true. So, what now?”

“I don’t know. I can’t tell my mom. She’d never let me see you again.”

“Yeah,” Richie said softly, “I don’t think I can tell my parents either. I mean, part of me feels like my mom would love it, since she always wanted a girl, but at the same time I’m not sure liking boys turns you into a fun, shopping obsessed gay stereotype like Hollywood would have us believe. I still feel the same.”

Eddie smirked, “Yeah I don’t think it works like that. So, do you think we should tell the rest of the gang?”

Richie shrugged, “Sure, why not? I can’t really see them being too judgmental.” Richie’s tone suddenly turned serious as he thought back to the arcade, “But we can’t let anyone else know. People in this town – “

“Yeah, Rich, I know, I grew up with the same bullies as you.”

“I know, but, well, there was this time a little while back at the arcade. I was playing Street Fighter with this boy and there was kind of a moment – “

“You liked another boy?” Eddie asked, jealousy seeping from every word.

“No, I mean, yes, I mean, not how I like you. There was just like a second where I felt this like … spark.”

Eddie grumbled.

“Eds, can we not get hung up on that? Look, my point is, all that happened is I asked him to play another round, that’s it, but I guess he was Henry Bowers’ cousin or something and Bowers came in and they just started yelling at me. The called me,” Richie trailed off, not wanted to repeat the word, “they called me horrible names and I just ran out, terrified. Eddie, Bowers has beat the shit out of me so many times. He’s given me black eyes, broken my nose, made me terrified to go to school, but that day at the arcade, the way he looked at me, I’m positive he wanted to kill me.” Richie sat up, sinking into the center of the hammock. “I like you so much, but, it’s dangerous. We have to be careful.”

Eddie sat up too. They were squished tightly together as the hammock sunk. Eddie grabbed Richie’s hand, entwining their fingers. “I know, Richie, we’ll be careful.” Eddie’s tone became more playful as he continued, “But, careful with what? I mean, there’s not really anything to hide if all we do is sit here and talk.”

_Damn_, Richie thought_, he really is the brave one._ “What did you have in mind, Eds?”

“Well, when people like each other, don’t they usually, um, kiss?”

Richie blushed again, “Yeah, I guess so, but, I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“Me either,” Eddie said softly, “but I thought, if we both like each other, we could – “

Richie summoned every ounce of courage he had, closed his eyes tight, and interrupted Eddie’s talking with a quick but delicate kiss on the lips. He pulled back, eyes wide, breath shaky. Richie quickly adjusted his glasses, something he typically did when he was nervous.

Eddie smiled. The kiss was awkward, abrupt, and everything Eddie had hoped it would be. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments, still holding hands, before Eddie slowly leaned in for another.

Richie gulped. His hands were shaking and his heart was pounding. Eddie seemed so calm and confident. Richie felt so insecure. His voices, his jokes, it was all a cover for how much he despised everything about himself. He hated his face, his teeth, his gangly body, but most of all he hated his thick glasses. He never blamed the bullies for targeting him; he felt like he’d been born a target. But here was this cute, sweet, perfect boy, leaning toward him with love in his eyes. That hateful little voice in Richie’s head stoked the fire of his anxiety, telling him Eddie couldn’t possibly love someone as ugly and awkward and spastic as he was. Telling him none of this could be real. _You’ll always be alone, Tozier. Why would anyone love you?_ Richie closed his eyes tight trying to shut out the unpleasant thoughts. _Eddie would never hurt me,_ he thought as he took a breath and leaned into Eddie’s kiss.

Eddie’s lips were silk pillows. They guided his own lips skillfully, pressing in with perfect pressure and parting slightly when required. Eddie’s hands moved up to Richie’s chest and he gently pushed Richie back down into the hammock. Richie obliged, lying back and stretching his legs back out across the hammock. Eddie’s legs straddled Richie’s hips. Eddie sat up for a moment, his hands still on Richie’s chest, and smiled down at Richie. It was nice to feel tall for once. Eddie took notice of how frightened Richie looked and asked, “Is this okay?”

Richie nodded and timidly moved his hands up Eddie’s thighs, resting his hands on Eddie’s hips. Eddie slid his hands up to Richie’s shoulders as he moved his lips back toward Richie’s. Richie sat up a little into the kiss. Eddie’s hands moved to Richie’s cheeks. His hands were so soft and delicate. Eddie kissed Richie more aggressively, almost desperately. Feeling the confidence of his position, Eddie ventured further, slipping his tongue into their kiss. Richie’s eyes went wide. It felt a little odd having someone else’s tongue in his mouth, but he really liked it. He felt compelled to return the favor and allowed his own tongue to venture between Eddie’s lips, but it was too stiff, awkwardly fumbling around, and ruining the lovely rhythm they had. Eddie stroked Richie’s hair and the side of his face. Richie felt relaxed at the gentle touches. He calmed his wildly flailing tongue and followed Eddie’s lead of soft, gentle movements. As they kissed, Richie’s confidence grew. For the first time in his life he began to feel good about himself. They stayed there for an hour. Richie never wanted to stop kissing Eddie’s sweet lips. Eventually though, Eddie pulled away.

“I gotta go,” he said, starting to pull himself up.

“No,” Richie whined, hugging Eddie into his chest.

“I don’t want to,” Eddie protested, “but my mom’s already going to kill me for staying out so late.”

“Fine,” Richie begrudged, letting Eddie up.

“But,” Eddie said as he stood up, “this was perfect.”

Richie sighed, “Yeah, it was. Thank you.”

Eddie smiled. “You don’t have to thank me, I wanted to kiss you too.”

“No, I just mean, thank you for, you know, making all this happen.”

“Well, Richie, if I had waited for you to get off your ass we would have been 100.”

“Eds, being a sassy little shit is my thing. You’re stealing my thing.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as he made his way up the ladder, “Good night, Richie.”

Richie stayed in the clubhouse a little longer. He felt like the second he left, this beautiful dream would be over, and he never wanted it to end.


	2. Please Don't Do This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the chaos of the Chinese restaurant, the Losers learn they must stay and face Pennywise or Bev's visions of their future deaths will come true. Eddie uses this opportunity to talk to Richie about something that's bothered him since childhood, though he only remembered any of it when he got the call from Mike. Eddie confronts Richie's rose colored memories of their time together and remembers how things ended from his perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: homophobic slurs, homophobia, internalized homophobia

Richie’s mind snapped back to the present. “I remember kissing you in the clubhouse.”

Eddie smiled, “God that was fun. You were so nervous.”

“I wasn’t,” Richie protested.

“Yes you were! Richie, your heart was racing so fast I thought you were going to have a heart attack. Geez, you were cute. Hands all sweaty and shaky, looking up at me through those coke bottle gl –“

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, I remember. I guess I was a little nervous. You just surprised me. I never expected you to be so confident and in control.”

“I knew what I wanted. Fuck, that’s probably the only time in my life I’ve ever felt like that. Ever since then it’s been nothing but indecision and insecurity.”

“Really? You seem like you’ve done well, good job, married, all that grown up stuff.”

“You spent the last three hours making fun of my job, Richie.”

“Well, just because I think it’s boring doesn’t mean it’s a bad job. I mean, it sounds really important.”

“It’s … fine. Everything in my life is fine, I guess. I mean, I’m not happy, but I guess I’m content, if that makes any sense?”

“Yeah,” Richie said wistfully, “that actually makes a lot of sense.”

Eddie shuffled in his chair, “So, typical Richie, you remember the good stuff but conveniently forget all the bad stuff?”

Richie’s expression sobered as he continued in a mournful tone, “No, I um, I remember it … I remember everything.”

Eddie allowed the silence to stew for a minute. “Well look, Rich, I didn’t come in here to bust your balls over old shit. I mean it’s been like 30 years, I know you’ve moved on but – “

“No.”

“No, what?”

“I didn’t, you know, move on,” Richie was biting his bottom lip nervously, keeping his eyes on the ground. “You’re the only person I ever loved … that, that didn’t go away. I never stopped loving you.”

Eddie looked angry. He shook his head and furrowed his brow. He started and stopped speaking five times before finally settling on, “What the fuck, Richie?”

“It’s true.”

“Richie, you broke my fucking heart. You left me,” Eddie was yelling now, “and you’re saying you never stopped loving me? How am I supposed to feel?”

Richie stood up and started nervously pacing the room. “I didn’t,” he started but then just sighed unsure how to finish. “It wasn’t my fault.”

“Richie, how the fuck can you say that? I didn’t do fucking anything, I didn’t do anything but love you, and what, it’s my fault you ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it in the trash?”

“No, that’s not what I meant, I – “

“Fuck you,” Eddie said coldly, storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Eddie paced around his own room, angrily unpacking his things while letting out frustrated little grunts. His mind drifted back to that day: the worst day of his life.

Richie and Eddie had been officially boyfriends for three months. They spent those blissful times kissing in the clubhouse, discretely holding hands at the movies, cuddling at sleepovers, eating ice cream in the park … it was perfection. They had even begun to get a little more daring with public displays of affection, constantly finding excuses to touch each other. They passed love notes in class, written in a secret code language Richie came up with. They talked about what they would do when they grew up. Their dreams became intertwined, always factoring each other into their future plans.

One day, they were walking home together from school as they always did, when Richie suddenly stopped and started walking toward the woods. Eddie chased after him. Richie looked around and then pulled Eddie into him by his pants pockets.

“Richie, what if someone sees us?”

Richie shrugged and leaned down to kiss Eddie. Richie was so fucking tired of always having to hide. Why was it so wrong to love a boy? Especially one as cute and sweet as Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie was so tired of only ever being able to kiss in the clubhouse, always getting interrupted by their friends. He wanted a moment, just one fucking moment where he could kiss his boyfriend like everyone else got to kiss their girlfriends.

Eddie always immediately went up on his tiptoes when they kissed standing up, which Richie found extremely adorable. Even fully up on his tiptoes, Richie still had to bend down a little to make up for the height difference. Eddie’s arms wrapped around the back of Richie’s neck as Richie’s hands rested on Eddie’s slight hips. It felt so exciting kissing out in the open. They sank into an intoxicated state of bliss, lost in the moment, until a wretched voice interrupted.

“What the fuck is this?” It was Bowers. He was without his usual gang, but even alone he was terrifying. “I always knew you were a couple of little faggots but I never thought you’d be dumb enough to let me catch you perverts making out.”

“Eds, run,” Richie begged.

“No, I’m not leaving you.”

“Eddie, get the fuck out of here,” Richie screamed with panic in his voice.

Eddie wanted to protest more, but seeing the desperate look in Richie’s eyes, decided to follow his wishes. Eddie grabbed his backpack and ran, as fast as his legs would take him. He was so out of breath when he got home his mother wanted to drive him to the hospital. He convinced her he was fine, taking a few swigs from his inhaler and calming his breathing. Eddie spent the rest of the night pacing around his room, periodically calling Richie’s house to see if he was home yet, and very impatiently waiting to hear back.

“Eddie, sweetie, I promise I will tell Richie to call you when he gets home but he’s not here yet. Did you check that little clubhouse of yours? He stays out there reading comics really late sometimes.”

“Okay, thanks Mrs. Tozier, yeah, I’ll check.”

The phone finally rang at 9:21 pm. Eddie’s mom called out from the living room, “Eddie Bear you know you’re not allowed to be on the phone after nine!”

“Please, mommy, I’ll be really quick.”

“Fine, but make it fast.”

Eddie hurriedly picked up the phone, “Richie?”

“Hey,” Richie said coldly.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine. Um, my mom said you called the house a bunch of times, she was pretty mad.” There was no inflection in Richie's tone.

Eddie was flabbergasted, “Yeah, I was worried. I thought Bowers was going to hurt you. When I didn’t hear from you I thought maybe he’d, he’d – “ Eddie couldn’t bear to say the word he was thinking. “I’m just, I’m glad to know you’re safe.”

“Okay, well, now you know.”

Richie’s tone was impersonal and annoyed. Eddie wanted to say more. He wanted to ask why Richie was being so weird. He wanted to know everything that happened after he’d left. Was Richie mad at him? He had no idea what to say so he just asked, “Richie, is everything okay?”

There was an icy pause on the line before Richie replied, “Yeah. Hey listen, Eds, I gotta go.”

Before Eddie could say anything, he heard a click on the other end. Eddie barely slept that night, feeling confused and sad. He hoped that when he saw Richie at school the next day, everything would make sense.

Eddie got to school early, nervously pacing around the spot he and Richie met up every morning. Eddie waited until 10 minutes after the first bell. He hated being late to class, but he just couldn’t believe Richie didn’t show up. They had second period together. Eddie hoped Richie wouldn’t be there. _Maybe he stayed home. That has to be it, he wouldn’t stand me up. Why would he be avoiding me?_ he thought, but to his dismay, Richie showed up to class. They sat next to each other. Richie wouldn’t look over at Eddie, despite Eddie’s attempts to get his attention. Finally, Eddie decided to write a note, in their secret language, and passed it to Richie. Richie replied, handing the note back to Eddie. It said they would talk at lunch.

When lunch finally arrived, Eddie felt like he was going to pass out from the stress. He nervously scanned the room looking for Richie and jumped when he heard a familiar voice behind him.

“Hey.” Richie looked upset, but otherwise fine.

“Hey,” Eddie said sweetly. “Wow, you look okay.”

“Gee thanks,” Richie said sarcastically.

“No, I meant, I was worried Bowers was going to beat you up. How did you get away?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Richie said defensively, looking out across the lunchroom.

Eddie’s eyes followed Richie’s and saw Bowers sitting at a nearby table, staring daggers at Richie. “Richie, what the fuck is going on?”

Richie looked scared, “Come on, let’s go outside, I need to talk to you.” Eddie felt relieved, ready for Richie to open up and let him know what was really going on, but when they got outside and alone, Richie said, “Eds, I um, I want to break up.”

Eddie’s face contorted in confusion. He felt exposed in the stunned silence. Desperately finding his words he stammered out, “W-why?”

“Because I don’t want to be a fucking faggot,” Richie shouted angrily.

Richie’s words punched Eddie in the gut, knocking the wind out of him for a moment. “Where is this coming from?” Eddie asked wearily. “Is this because Bowers – “

“Fuck Bowers, this isn’t about that. Eddie, it’s time to grow up. I indulged your little schoolyard crush, but what? You really want to live your life this way?”

“Richie, it’s not a choice – “

“It can be,” Richie shrugged.

“You can’t choose who you love.” Eddie’s voice sounded so unsure, almost as if he were asking Richie a question.

Richie shrugged again. “Maybe not, but you can choose who to be with. Listen Eds, our lives are going to be a whole lot easier this way.”

Eddie started to cry. Richie was being so cruel. Eddie felt so confused and scared. “Why are you doing this?” He barely managed to sob out the words.

Richie looked ashamed but continued, “Stop fucking crying like a little baby. It’s embarrassing.”

Eddie was too upset to feel the pain of Richie’s cruel words and stammered out, “Richie, p-please, I love you.”

At this, Richie started to cry, “Eds, please don’t make this any harder.”

“Richie, you don’t have to do this. Please don’t do this?”

“Yes I do,” Richie said firmly. “Goodbye, Eds.” Richie walked away, leaving Eddie crying and alone.


	3. Nightmare in the Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie goes to Eddie's room to explain what he meant but finds it more difficult that he had hoped. He breaks down while reliving the events that led him to break up with Eddie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Please, please, please, skip this chapter if you do not want to read a graphic description of the oral and anal rape of a 14-year-old boy. Also, do not read this chapter if you want to avoid homophobic slurs, sexual manipulation, or death threats. The extended chapter summary (below) gives enough of an overview that you can read the rest of the story and understand it without this chapter.
> 
> Extended Summary (spoilers, non-descriptive references to things mentioned in CW above): After Eddie leaves, Henry Bowers pulls a knife on Richie threatening to kill them both. Richie begs him to leave Eddie alone, telling Henry Bowers he doesn't care about his own life or his own suffering as long as Eddie is safe. Henry Bowers takes the opportunity to orally sexually assault Richie, promising to leave Eddie alone if Richie complies. Richie does as he is told, but sexual sadist Henry Bowers is still aroused by Richie's distress and pain and assaults him again (anally), this time more forcefully and without any compliance from Richie. Before he leaves, he says he will keep his promise to leave Eddie alone, but that he will kill both of them if he ever catches them together again. He tells Richie he should be grateful because his sadistic psychopathic mind thinks this is the only outcome of "choosing" to be homosexual. Richie is left alone in the woods. He goes home and takes a shower, scrubbing himself until his skin is raw but still doesn't feel clean.

Eddie was shaken out of his stupor by a knock on his inn room door and Richie’s voice saying, “Hey Eds, can I come in? I want to talk, I just, I didn’t say it right, what I wanted to say.”

Eddie hesitated. He felt so upset and vulnerable dredging up these old memories, but there was a softness in Richie’s voice that made him want to talk. “Yeah, Richie, you can come in.”

Richie walked in and sat on the edge of the bed. He sat there silently, looking pained, before finally saying, “Eddie, I’m so sorry.” Tears were streaming down Richie’s cheeks as he sobbed out, “I fucked it all up, I’m so sorry.”

Eddie rushed over to him, sitting next to him on the bed and wrapping an arm around him. “It’s okay Richie, it’s okay. I’m sorry I brought any of this up. We were just kids. Please don’t be upset.”

Richie was inconsolable, “I lost you, I fucking lost you. No, I threw you away. I’m horrible.”

“Richie, Richie, I’m right here, you didn’t lose me, I’m right here.”

“No,” Richie objected, “back then. I lost you back then. I fucked it all up.”

Eddie didn’t know what to do. He desperately hated seeing Richie upset, but at the same time he kind of agreed. Everything got so fucked up back then. Eddie had never moved on either, not really. “Richie, can you just, can you just tell me what happened? That’s what I wanted to ask in your room before. I’ve spent all these years not knowing and I just, need you to tell me what went so wrong.”

Richie’s eyes went wide as he thought back to that day in the woods.

“Eddie, get the fuck out of here,” Richie screamed with panic in his voice. Bowers was smiling wickedly as he walked toward them. Richie breathed a small sigh of relief as Eddie grabbed his bag and ran off. _I don’t care what he does to me as long as Eddie is safe._

“You know I’m just going to get your little girlfriend later, right?”

“No, please,” Richie begged, “leave him alone. You can do whatever you want to me, just please leave Eddie alone.”

“Oh I’m gonna do what I want,” Bowers said calmly, pulling out his switchblade and holding it to Richie’s throat. “I’m going to kill both you queers, and no one’s going to fucking care because I’ll be doing this town a favor.” Bowers pushed Richie into the tree, pressing the knife right up to his skin.

Richie was shaking, “P-p-please, d-d-don’t hurt, Eddie, p-please.”

“Aww, that’s kinda sweet,” Bowers mocked, “knife to your throat and all you can think of is your little girlfriend. Damn, if he’s that sweet maybe I’ll have to have a little fun with your whore before I slit his throat.”

“No,” Richie screamed, summoning strength he didn’t know he had and pushing Bowers to the ground.

Bowers looked stunned, but quickly jumped to his feet, still brandishing the knife. “Damn, Tozier, you’ve got a real fucking death wish, don’t you? I mean, I guess I was gonna kill you anyway, but now I’m going to make it hurt.”

“Fine, do it, I don’t care, but please just leave Eddie alone.”

Bowers studied Richie for a moment. His face was red and sweaty, but he was trying to look tough. His eyes were desperate but his expression was resolute. Bowers put the knife away. “Okay, Tozier, you really want me to leave your little slut alone?”

Richie nodded furiously, sputtering out, “Y-yes, please.”

Bowers walked toward Richie slowly, and started unbuttoning his pants.

“Wh-what are you d-doing?” Richie asked timidly, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

Henry Bowers didn’t speak, but continued unzipping his pants, letting them fall around his ankles. He pulled down his boxer shorts, letting them fall down with his pants.

Richie’s heart was pounding so loudly he could hear it echoing in his ears. He thought about running, but was frozen in place.

Bowers put a firm hand on Richie’s shoulder and started forcing him down. Richie tried to resist but Bowers was much stronger and forced him down on his knees. “Suck it,” Bowers ordered as he forced Richie face to face with his hard penis. “Tozier, you said you’d do anything if I left your little faggot boyfriend alone, so open your mouth and suck my cock. And listen, you better do a good fucking job, don’t even think about biting me or anything. I will fucking kill you.”

Richie had no choice. He reluctantly opened his mouth, taking Bowers in. It tasted salty with sweat and felt awkwardly big in his mouth. Richie’s mouth felt so dry, making it difficult. He slowly moved his head up and down, unsure what exactly he was supposed to do but trying to replicate the motion he used when masturbating. “Come on, Tozier, you can do better than that,” Bowers chided, shoving Richie’s head down hard. Richie gagged and coughed. “Faster, and really tighten up your lips around it,” Bowers instructed. Richie did his best to obey, hot tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh yeah, better. That’s real good, Richie,” Bowers said gently stroking Richie’s hair. Richie felt like he was going to throw up. Him being nice made it feel so much worse. It felt like it went on forever. Richie’s jaw ached and his throat was sore from Bowers periodically shoving himself in deeper than Richie could handle. He tried to think about anything else. He wanted to escape, but he couldn’t shake the brutal reality of this moment. He was painfully present, feeling everything, desperate for it to be over. Finally, he heard Bowers moan as he tasted something awful fill his mouth. The taste was a little like when his mom would spray a lot of hairspray near him and some would settle on tongue. “Don’t you spit that out,” Bowers commanded. Richie gagged as he swallowed, feeling like he was going to be sick. Richie hugged his legs against his body, rocking back and forth slightly.

Bowers sat down next to him and started stroking his back softly. Richie flinched, pulling away. Bowers grabbed him and pulled him closer, pushing Richie’s head against his chest. This wasn’t the first time Bowers had raped someone, but it was the first guy. He hadn’t planned for things to go like this, but it worked out fine for him. Rape isn’t about sexual attraction. It’s about power and control. Watching Richie cry, squirm, beg – it turned Bowers on as much as it had with any of the girls he’d been with. It was very important to make them too terrified to ever tell anyone. Bowers had learned that being gentle and sweet was more effective than being threatening. It makes them feel wrong, responsible, and guilty. He delighted in Richie’s trauma as he gently stroked the quivering boy’s face. “Damn, you did pretty good, Tozier. Makes me sad you don’t have a pussy.” Henry smiled cruelly as his own words gave him an idea. Still holding Richie tightly with one arm, he started unbuttoning Richie’s pants with his other hand.

“No, no, please,” Richie pleaded impotently, his glasses fogged up with tears and sweat.

“Don’t worry, I always come faster the second time,” Bowers taunted, pushing Richie’s face down into the dirt and leaves below. He pulled Richie’s pants down, wet two fingers, and shoved them forcefully into Richie’s anus, moving them in and out a few times before holding open his cheeks and hocking a glob of spit inside. Bowers put one hand on Richie’s back, pressing him hard against the ground, and used the other to position himself.

Richie screamed as Bowers entered him. It was the most painful thing Richie had ever experienced. Bowers paid little mind to Richie’s pain and continued forcing himself in and out. Dirt went in Richie’s mouth and nostrils as he screamed and cried. Bowers pounded himself in deeper, thrusting harder each time. Richie felt like his body was going to split in two.

As Bowers got close, he laid down on Richie’s back, kissing him gently on the cheek as he came. “That’s a good girl. Don’t tell anybody, I’m your dirty little secret,” he whispered into Richie’s ear. Bowers stood and pulled up his pants, dusting leaves and dirt off himself.

Richie couldn’t move. He lied there, terrified of what Bowers would do next. Part of him hoped Bowers would just follow through on his earlier threat and kill him; Richie felt like he wanted to die now anyway. But instead Bowers just said, “Listen, Tozier, a deal’s a deal. I’ll leave your little cunt boyfriend alone, you earned that.” He kneeled down next to Richie’s frozen body and continued, “But I better not catch you faggots so much as looking at each other, do you hear me? I don’t want to see any disgusting faggot shit in my town.” He stood up to leave, observing Richie’s quivering, dirt covered body, lying pathetically in the leaves. “Look kid, I did you a favor, okay? This is all your pervert lifestyle fucking gets you. Clean yourself off and fucking grow up.”

After he was sure Bowers was gone, Richie slowly pulled himself off the ground and pulled up his pants. He could still feel Bowers inside him. He wondered if he’d ever be able to forget that horrible feeling. He carelessly dusted the dirt off his pants and pulled some of the leaves out of his hair. He took off his glasses and tried desperately to clean them with the underside of his shirt. He got them clean enough so he could make his way home, but they were still streaked.

As Richie entered his house his mom screamed from the kitchen, “Richie where have you been? Your little friend keeps calling, it’s driving me crazy!” As he walked toward his room, she popped out of the kitchen, “What happened? God, you got your jeans so dirty! For Goodness sake Richie, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get these clean.”

Richie was a zombie. Her words sounded muffled and far away. Their meaning barely registered. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Nah-ah,” his mom protested, “your little friend has been driving me crazy all night. You call him back first. The sick one, with the weird mom. Go on, right now.”

After the call, Richie stumbled into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, letting steam fill the room. He kneeled at the toilet and vomited, continuing until he was just dry heaving. He wiped his lips and undressed, stepping into the hot shower with dead eyes. Richie stood there letting the water rush over him for 20 minutes. His mind was blank. He felt numb. Finally, he lathered up a washcloth and started scrubbing. He scrubbed every inch of his body, so hard his skin was red and blistered, bleeding a little in some spots. He wept, sitting down in the shower, lying his head between his knees and hugging his legs. He rocked himself in the shower. The water enveloped him but could never make him feel clean.


	4. A New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie comforts Richie after he reveals the horrible things Bowers did to him. They fall asleep holding each other and awake to discuss what to do next. Eddie briefly discusses the past abuse he suffered from his mother and how he essentially married her doppelganger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Victim of sexual assault blaming themselves and expressing feelings of worthlessness, referenced past child abuse, referenced sexual assault, joking to cope with trauma, discussion of sexual difficulties.

“Richie, Richie, hey buddy, where’d you go,” Eddie was frantically trying to shake Richie out of his daze. Richie realized he had moved to the floor and was rocking back and forth with a catatonic gaze in his eyes.

“S-sorry,” Richie mumbled, slowly snapping back to the present.

“That’s okay, buddy, I just got scared, I thought I lost you there.”

“I, um, I was just thinking about what happened. Eddie, I can’t tell you. You’re going to look at me differently, you’re going to think I’m a monster.”

“Richie, I would never,” Eddie cooed reassuringly. “You’re my guy. Whatever happened, it’s in the past, I won’t judge you.”

Through tears, Richie confessed his secret.

Eddie was stunned. “Richie I am so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me back then?”

“I was ashamed, I still am. I chose to do that, I let it happen.”

“Richie, no, he had a fucking knife.”

“I would have done it anyway, it was the only way to protect you.”

Eddie was crying, “Richie, I don’t know what to say. You have to know I never, never would have wanted you to do this for me. Even if it meant Bowers was going to kill me, I never wanted you to be in pain.”

“I didn’t do it for you, Eds. I couldn’t see you get hurt. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I told Bowers I would do anything and I meant it.”

“Fuck, Richie. I feel so guilty.”

Richie pleaded, “Please don’t. This is why I didn’t want to tell you. There was no way to tell you without you feeling bad or responsible … and I didn’t want you to know because I didn’t want you to see that when you looked at me. But now you know the truth. I’m ruined.”

Eddie put both hands on Richie’s shoulders and looked him square in the eyes. “No,” he said firmly, “you’re not ruined. Something horrible happened to you and it wasn’t your fault. I don’t look at you any different. You’re still the beautiful boy I’ve been in love with since I was seven-years-old.”

Richie broke down in Eddie’s arms, allowing himself to be held in his complete vulnerability.

Richie’s eyes blinked open as light peered in through the window. The room was blurry without his glasses. As consciousness came back to him, Richie realized he had slept in Eddie’s bed, and Eddie was curled up behind him with his arms wrapped around Richie’s chest. They were both fully clothed and had probably fallen asleep as Richie cried and Eddie comforted him. Richie turned so he was facing Eddie and Eddie stirred.

“Hey,” he said sleepily.

“I guess I’m the little spoon,” Richie said with a smile.

“I knew you only made fun of me being small because you were jealous,” Eddie joked. He sighed, “Okay, so, what now?”

“I don’t know,” Richie sighed, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling.

“Richie,” Eddie said cautiously, “I still love you.”

“You’re married, Eds.”

Eddie chuckled a little reaching into his pants and pulling out his wallet. He opened it and handed it to Richie revealing a picture of he and Myra. “Please go easy on me.”

Richie looked at the picture, “Eddie, what the fuck?” The woman Eddie married was the spitting image of his mother. Richie would have thought it was his mother if this woman wasn’t so much younger and posing with an adult Eddie.

“Yeah, dude. You never moved on, but neither did I. I got so depressed after we broke up. Stayed that way for years, even after we moved away and started to forget. I didn’t remember you specifically, but I was still … haunted. Myra came along and kinda took advantage of that. I mean, I love her, in a way, or at least, I loved that she helped my life go back to something familiar. I didn’t know how to move on, I didn’t know what to do. At least with her taking care of me things felt kind of … normal.”

“Yeah, because she’s your mom. Except she’s not, she’s your wife, which makes this far from normal.”

“See, Rich? I told you I could never judge you. Look at my fucking life.”

“I’m sorry, Eds, you’re right I have no room to judge you.”

“No, you absolutely do, this is completely fucked. I’ll be honest I never realized the similarity until Mike called and all those memories came back. It hit me at the Chinese restaurant when you were joking about my mom.”

“Oh, right, sorry about that.”

“No, Richie, look, my mom wasn’t a good person. She was my abuser. And this stupid curse or whatever that made us forget, drove me right back into the arms of abuse. Richie, I can’t go back there. Now that I remember, I can’t just go back to that life.”

Richie’s face was red and he looked as nervous as he had in the clubhouse all those years ago. “You don’t have to. Come live with me.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, “Really? Richie, it’s been 27 years, you don’t know me anymore.”

“Of course I do.”

“Okay, you’re telling me you haven’t changed at all since you were 14?”

“No, we’ve both changed I’m sure, I just know I’ll like all your changes. It’ll be fun falling in love with you all over again.”

“But what if you can’t stand me? I’m addicted to several prescription drugs.”

“L.A. has great rehab centers, my treat.”

“I snore.”

“Yeah, duh, me too, what guy over 30 doesn’t snore?”

“I’m paranoid, neurotic, and a total hypochondriac.”

“I thought we were listing things that had changed in the last 30 years,” Richie said sarcastically.

“I’m a hoarder,” Eddie paused, “well, no, Myra’s a hoarder, but I’ve lived around it so long, I’m basically one too. Our place is a total mess, she won’t let me throw anything away. And I already know you’re messy, so that’s just not going to work.”

“Actually, I got diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and my medication and organization techniques help me stay on top of things. My place is pretty tidy. I’ll clean up after you and you can keep your stacks of old newspapers in my guest bedroom.”

Eddie thought for minute before saying, “Well, I’m totally sexually fucked up. I’ve never had sex with my wife – although now that I think about it since she looks and acts exactly like my abusive mother maybe that’s actually healthy – but still, I can’t even masturbate. I get like, extreme anxiety when I even think about sex.”

“Oh wow, interesting,” Richie said sarcastically. “Sorry, were you not paying attention when I opened up to you about my extreme childhood sexual trauma? Did you think that being raped by my childhood bully set me up for a well-adjusted adulthood?”

Eddie laughed before saying, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t laugh at that.”

“No, I was trying to be funny, dummy. I think it helps to make jokes.”

Eddie smiled and sighed as he rested his head on Richie’s chest. He listed to Richie’s heartbeat and tried to sync up his breathing with Richie’s. “So, we’re really doing this?”

Richie nodded, stroking Eddie’s hair. “Yeah Eds, we have to. I already lost you once, I can’t do that again.”


	5. Lovers and Losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brief references to the movie's events, primarily focusing on the inbetween stuff we didn't see. Eddie and Richie steal away little moments, text, and comfort each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: References to past child abuse and discussion of trauma.

The Losers went to the clubhouse and talked. Richie and Eddie both thought back to the wonderful times they’d had there. Afterward, Mike explained they needed to go off alone and find their totems. Richie and Eddie protested. Richie wasn’t really worried about going alone, but he was terrified at the thought that something could happen to Eddie. They stole away in the woods after the others had left.

“Let’s just both go to our places together,” Richie begged.

“Mike said we have to go alone.”

“That’s so stupid though! That sounds like the set-up for a bad horror movie; and I should know, I was in Sharknado 7.”

“Richie, I’ll be fine,” Eddie said placing a hand on Richie’s shoulder.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I take it all back, I want to get the fuck out of here,” Eddie texted (well, talk-to-texted since that was safer while driving) Richie while driving back to the inn. “I have to take a shower but then we’re leaving.”

Richie texted back, “Thank fuck, I hate this place. I’ll meet you at the rental car place. We’ll drop yours off and take my car to the airport.”

Eddie responded with several heart emojis.

However, things didn’t quite go according to plan when Eddie got back to the inn. Instead of a gloriously hot shower, Eddie was stabbed in the face by Henry Bowers. Richie returned to the hotel, not realizing that Eddie was still there. After Ben’s unsuccessful attempt to get him to stay, Richie snuck out the window and ran to his car. He immediately drove to the rental car place, excitedly waiting for Eds to arrive. Unfortunately he received a text with three crying face emojis instead.

Richie replied, “I don’t know what the fuck that means???”

Eddie responded, “Can’t leave, something happened, meet at library.”

Richie arrived just in time to save Mike from Henry Bowers. It felt good sinking that axe into his abuser’s skull, but it also made Richie deeply sad for some reason. When the others arrived, Eddie discretely pulled Richie aside to ask if he was okay. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine, it just, upset me more than I thought it would.”

“Well, yeah Rich, like you said, you just fucking killed a guy.”

“No, not just that, it’s like, I’ve wanted revenge ever since all that stuff first happened, but it feels kinda, empty.”

“I understand, Richie. That’s kind of how I feel about my mom. She was a monster. She always fucked with my head and made me feel small and weak. She controlled every aspect of my life and manipulated me into doing exactly what she wanted. When she died, sure I felt a little sad because she was my mom, but mostly I felt happy and relieved, at least at first. Then I got really depressed and felt totally empty. I had no idea why, but it finally clicked: I thought that her dying, getting what was finally coming to her after all those years of tormenting me, was going to fix things. Maybe not everything, but I thought it would at least help me move past it all, but it didn’t. She died and I still had all that trauma to live with. She died and my traumatized mind sought out a surrogate abuser to repeat the cycle all over again.”

Richie knew Eddie was right. “I fantasized about this moment, or something like it. I’ve spent so many years afraid and angry. I thought this would feel good, but you’re right, it feels hollow, because it doesn’t change anything. He’s dead and I’m still afraid and angry. He’d dead and I still broke your heart all those years ago. He’s dead but he’s still haunting me.”

Eddie embraced Richie, stepping up on his tiptoes like he did when they were young. “It’ll get better, Richie. We’ll help each other.”

Richie nodded. “I love you so much, Eds.”

Richie and Eddie went down into the sewers with the others. Richie nearly took Bill’s head off when he yelled at Eddie in the kitchen. The only thing that stopped him was a pleading look from Eddie, who understood Bill better than anyone else there. Like all of the Losers, he was just scared, and sad, and haunted by his trauma. Still, even though Eddie knew Bill didn’t mean it, the entire situation shook him to his core. “Richie, seriously, I’m a liability, I don’t think I can do this.”

Richie gave Eddie a cute little pep talk that reminded Eddie so much of when they were kids. Richie held his hands and looked lovingly into his eyes. Eddie knew Richie wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and run out of there, but they had already come this far, and there was no turning back. Eddie knew if he pushed it any further, Richie would have left with him, but Eddie didn’t want to abandon their friends. He took in a deep breath and continued on.

Richie and Eddie got separated from the group, caught up in Pennywise’s nasty mind games. Eddie followed Richie’s lead, trying to stay brave. As they ran from the “Not Scary, Scary, Very Scary” doors, Eddie could feel Richie’s impatience growing. They emerged into the main part of the sewers, where they had defeated Pennywise so many years ago, to be greeted by him in a horrifying, monstrous form. Eddie almost lost his mind laughing when Richie called Pennywise a “sloppy bitch” but quickly sobered up as he saw his beloved sucked into the Dead Lights. He whispered to himself, “This kills monsters if you believe it does,” looking down at the weapon Bev gave him and repeating the words she’d told him. He threw it with all of his might and rushed over to see if Richie was okay, excitedly exclaiming that he’d killed the monster.

Eddie didn’t understand why Richie was looking at him like that. His face was twisted with surprise and horror. Finally, the shock wore off and the pain hit as Eddie realized he’d been speared through the chest. He cried out Richie’s name apologetically. They were finally going to be together. Eddie wanted so badly for this reunion to undo all their past mistakes. They were going to be happy. But all that was about to end as Pennywise effortlessly swung him through the air, carelessly tossing him into the cavernous wall of the sewers. Everyone rushed to Eddie’s side. Eddie was sure he’d broken several ribs upon landing, but felt significantly more concerned about the hole in his chest. Still, it seemed like he might make it out of this. Eddie had extensive medical knowledge from all the years of his mother frequently taking him to the ER and his adult life as a cripplingly anxious hypochondriac. It looked like Pennywise’s claw had missed any major organs and Eddie was still able to walk after the fall. Now he just needed to worry about blood loss and that was a major worry. Eddie was already feeling faint.

The Losers forced him up. He wanted to protest that you should never move someone in his condition, but considering there was still a 40 foot demonic spider creature after them, he decided to just go along with it. He whimpered out a clue about Pennywise being weak at the pharmacy, hoping Mike could put it together so he wouldn’t have to waste anymore energy. Mike seemed to understand as the Losers helped Eddie up and rushed him into the other room.

Richie was completely distraught. His face was twisted with worry. Eddie hated seeing him like that. He made a joke to lighten the mood, “Hey Rich, I fucked your mom.”

Richie looked annoyed but Eddie could tell it calmed him down and took his mind off the situation.


	6. Eddie Dies Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly the same as the events from the movie, but with some extra context thrown in. Eddie dies ... downer ending.

Richie took off his coat, desperately pressing it to Eddie’s wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. The other Losers went off to fight Pennywise but Richie stayed with Eddie, unable to leave his side.

Eddie was quickly losing consciousness. Richie, desperate to keep his attention, was talking a mile a minute. “Hey Eds, listen, you’re going to love California, man. My place is really nice. I mean, I’m not like crazy rich or anything, but you know, I do okay. I mean, I guess I probably make more than you, at least since my Netflix special, but actually who knows? What does a risk analyst make? Who knows? I’ve always been bad at math. That’s not true, I’m really good at math, but you know the like ‘Richie Trashmouth Tozier’ character, he’s an idiot, sometimes I don’t know which I’m supposed to be,” Richie laughed nervously. “Eds, Eds, please you gotta stay with me here.” Richie was gently slapping Eddie’s face, trying to keep him awake. “Come on, Eddie Spaghetti, give me something to work with, please.”

“Richie,” Eddie whispered painstakingly, “I love you. You’re going to be okay.”

Richie wept, “Don’t say that Eds, please, that makes it sound like you’re going to – listen, Eds, I can’t lose you, please. I just got you back. Please don’t go, please stay with me.”

“I’m trying, man, I’m trying,” Eddie said, gripping Richie’s hands, “but I need you to promise me, if I don’t make it out of here – “

“No,” Richie protested, tears streaming down his face, “we’re getting out of here. We’re going to California, please Eddie, please I can’t think about you, you – “

“I’m sorry, Richie, you have to. This might be the last time I get to talk to you, you have to let me speak.”

Richie dropped his head, sobbing, but no longer protested Eddie’s final words.

“I love you and I’ll always love you. We’ll be together again someday, I know it, but right now I need you to promise me you’ll live. Like, really live, Richie. I want you to be happy, even if I can’t be part of it.”

Richie completely broke down, hearing Eddie’s words but not really understanding. He nodded, promising to follow Eddie’s wishes, but in his heart, he couldn’t accept that he might lose Eddie again. He pressed his coat against Eddie, trying in vain to stop the blood loss.

Eddie felt the life slipping away. He became acutely aware that he would not leave the sewers this time. He looked up at Richie and realized that if Richie stayed here and watched the life leave Eddie’s body, it would break him. Regardless of Richie’s promise, Eddie knew he couldn’t handle seeing that. “Hey Rich, I think I’m feeling a bit better,” Eddie lied.

Richie smiled through his tears, “Really?”

“Yeah Richie, I got this,” Eddie said, taking the bloody coat from Richie’s grip. “Look over there,” he said, pointing to the Losers, “they need you, buddy. They need your help. Go kill that fucker for me. I’ll be here when you get back.”

Deep down, Richie knew he was lying, but he was in complete denial and frantic for anything that would give him hope of leaving this cave with his beloved. He leaned down and kissed Eddie’s forehead. “I love you, Eds.”

“I love you too. And don’t call me Eds.”

Richie smiled and got up to join his friends. He ripped the arm that hurt Eddie off the monster and helped the others belittle it and crush its heart. Richie felt good. They won. He felt the love of the wonderful childhood friends he had forgotten for so long. He looked around at their exhausted but elated faces realizing they felt it too. But then his mind drifted to Eddie. “Eddie,” Richie cried out, running back over to his body. The others followed. But when Richie got there, Eddie was gone. Richie gently tapped his face, looking for any sign of recognition, but Eddie’s eyes were fixed and he wasn’t breathing. _No, he can’t be gone, he promised he’d be here when I got back, no._ Richie’s mind raced, refusing to believe what he saw. “Hey guys, Eddie’s really hurt, we gotta get him out of here.” He turned to see the Loser’s mournful expressions.

“Honey, he’s dead.” Bev’s words cut Richie like a knife. He couldn’t just leave Eddie behind in this horrible place. Richie knew he made a promise, but it was too hard. He decided in that moment he’d rather die here with Eddie in the Niebolt house than continue on without him. Richie pulled Eddie into him, squeezing him tight, as the sewers crumbled around them. His friends were frantic, insisting they had to go, but Richie didn’t want to go anywhere.

Finally Ben and Mike, forcibly pulled Richie away from Eddie. He fought as hard as he could to get back, but he couldn’t escape their grip. As they emerged into the light, Richie turned in time to see the Neibolt house crumble into nothing. He screamed and impotently tried to run back to Eddie. Ben and Mike held him back and Richie broke down, feeling completely lost.

The Losers headed to the quarry, exhausted, numb, and with the heart of the group missing. Richie watched as they splashed around the water, washing the pain of their adventure away in the cool water. They talked about Eddie, and what he’d say if he were here; it made Richie realize that Eddie wasn’t here. He was gone, forever. Richie broke down in tears again, letting his glasses fall into the water. The Losers immediately came to his side and embraced him. Richie felt the love of his friends and realized he was going to be able to keep his promise to Eddie. He was going to live, really live, for the first time in his life. His heart was open and his head was clear. After they said their goodbyes, Richie headed to the Kissing Bridge. He re-carved the symbol of his love for Eddie, saying his final goodbye. 


	7. Eddie Lives Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie is dying, but not without a fight. He's been training his whole life for this. As the resident hypochondriac, he knows exactly what to do in a crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got waaaaaaaay longer than I intended or expected, but I'm pretty happy with the result. This is the happy ending. Eddie lives. Mushy romance stuff and more of the other Losers involvement than in the rest of the story. Benverly get engaged, everyone is happy.

Richie took off his coat, desperately pressing it to Eddie’s wound, hoping to stop the bleeding. The other Losers went off to fight Pennywise but Richie stayed with Eddie, unable to leave his side.

“Richie, listen,” Eddie started.

“No,” Richie protested through tears, “Please Eds, I can’t do this, I can’t say goodbye, you’re going to make it out of here, you’re going to be – “

“Yeah, I know dipshit,” Eddie interrupted, “I was going to say listen to my instructions very carefully because I know what I’m fucking doing and I need your help.”

“Oh,” Richie said, feeling calmed by Eddie’s confidence. “Okay, what do I do?”

“I’m losing a lot of blood, that’s the biggest concern right now. I think It missed any major organs by some miracle, but I will still absolutely die from the blood loss.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was doing with my coat?”

“Right, but I have a fucking hole in me, sweetie, so I’m losing blood out of my back too.”

“Oh.”

“So look, I need you to take your coat and wrap it around from the back, and it would probably help to have some extra cloth as well if any of the rest of the guys could spare their – “

Before Eddie could finish, Richie was taking off his shirts and pants. Eddie smiled as this adorable fool, now clad only in his boxer shorts, lifted him up and immediately followed Eddie’s instructions, tying his coat and pants around Eddie’s body tightly to slow the blood loss, and using his shirt to keep pressure on the wound.

“Is that too tight?”

“It’s perfect,” Eddie said wistfully. “Richie, I love you.”

“I love you too, Eds, but you’re making me nervous, don’t give up on me, okay?”

“Okay; and don’t call me Eds.”

“Whatever, you fucking love it.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Richie look, they’re doing it,” he said, pointing to the others. Sure enough, Pennywise was shrinking. He looked so weak. Eddie grabbed Richie’s arm and looked him dead in the eyes, “Go fuck him up for me, babe.”

Richie smiled and ran off to help the rest of the Losers, ripping off the arm that injured Eddie and helping as they crushed his heart. Richie felt good. They won. He felt the love of the wonderful childhood friends he had forgotten for so long. He looked around at their exhausted but elated faces realizing they felt it too. “Fuck yeah,” he heard Eddie scream from across the room. Panicked, Richie grabbed Ben and Mike, “You guys have to help me carry him, we have to get him out of here.” They nodded, taking note of Richie’s near nakedness but feeling like it would be inappropriate to say anything, given the circumstances.

“Ow, ow, ow, fuck, fuck,” Eddie screamed as the three men lifted him. They carried him as much as they could, but parts of the sewers were too tight and Eddie had to walk. The pain was excruciating. Eddie felt faint and exhausted. He also felt guilty because he knew he was slowing them down as the Neibolt house came crashing down around them. He thought about giving up; telling everyone to leave him behind, but he gained strength every time Richie squeezed his hand. _No, _he thought,_ you have something to live for now. We’re getting out of here. _They made it out just in time to see the house that had caused them so much pain crumble into the Earth.

Bev already had her phone out, calling 911. “Hello, yes, please send help, we’re at 29 Neibolt Street … yes, an ambulance, someone is injured, they were uh … stabbed.”

Ben and Mike helped lay Eddie down. Richie sat down first so they could rest Eddie in his lap. Richie’s glasses were so fogged and covered in blood he could barely see. He reached out and stroked Eddie’s face and hair.

Eddie could feel Richie’s panic, “I’m going to be okay, Richie, everything’s okay.”

Richie was crying, “I know, I know, I just can barely fucking see, and I know we got out but you’re still hurt and I can’t do anything, I just –“

Eddie gripped Richie’s hand tightly, as Richie had done for him when they were escaping Neibolt. He squeezed it with all the strength he could muster.

Richie immediately calmed down. Eddie’s reassuring touch made him feel safe and loved and it was so strong, Richie knew in that moment that Eddie would survive. He wanted to tell Eddie he loved him, but before the words could escape his lips the sound of sirens filled the air and paramedics were pulling Eddie away from him. “Please, I have to go with him.”

“Are you family?” The paramedics asked as they shoved Eddie’s stretcher into the cab.

“No, but I’m his – “

“Sir, we can’t let you ride if you’re not family. Don’t worry, he’ll see you at the hospital.”

Before Richie could protest, they were closing the doors and driving away. _Why didn’t you just fucking say yes, you’re family. Now Eddie’s all alone in there. Fuck. _The Losers could see Richie was freaking out. 

Bev put a gentle hand on his arm, “It’s okay, sweetie, we’ll drive you.”

Richie nodded but didn’t move. The weight of everything that had just happened hit him like a ton of bricks. He fell to his knees, his eyes glossy, and began sobbing as he touched the ground. The Losers immediately came to his side and embraced him. Richie felt the love of his friends all around him and knew in that moment he would never forget these wonderful people again. “Thanks, you guys,” he said sweetly, standing up and allowing them to lead him to the car.

They piled into Bev’s SUV. “Alright, seatbelts on boys, I’m gonna drive it like I stole it.” She wasn’t kidding. Despite the extra time taken by Richie’s breakdown, they easily caught up to the ambulance and followed it the rest of the way to the hospital. Luckily, in the 27 years since they’d left this shithole town, a decent sized hospital had been built in the next town over. It was a short distance compared to the hour drive it would have taken back in 1989. Ben was riding shotgun, and Richie was in the back, sitting between Bill and Mike. They were holding his hands as he tried to calm his breathing. Bev took note of how ridiculous he looked sitting in the middle seat, his knees pressed up against the center console. She skidded up to the curb behind the ambulance, leaving them plenty of space as the doors flung open and Eddie’s stretcher emerged. “I hope this fucking place has valet because otherwise I’m just leaving the fucking car here.” She scanned the area and saw they indeed had valet and an attendant was already walking toward her. “Go,” she said turning to Bill, Richie, and Mike, “We’ll meet you inside.”

The three men, nodded and quickly piled out of the car. Richie suddenly became very aware that he was in public in only his boxer shorts. Bill noticed his embarrassment and asked the valet attendant, “Gift shop?” He pointed them just inside. They ran in and grabbed Richie a shirt and sweatpants, Bill quickly throwing money on the counter as Richie dressed in the middle of the shop. They got some stares.

Bev handed over the keys and took the ticket, pulling Ben aside before they went in. “Hey,” she said.

Ben looked intrigued, “Hey.” She looked up at him with bedroom eyes and he felt confidence like he had never had in his life. He leaned in to kiss her and as their lips met, he lifted her, spinning her around as they embraced. Both were laughing as he put her back down.

“Just thought we should talk before we go in.”

Ben smirked, “Good talk.”

Richie arrived just in time to see Eddie being wheeled into the ICU. He tried to catch his eye, but Eddie had a breathing mask on and several paramedics flanking him. Richie ran up to the counter, “Excuse me, can you tell me what’s happening, that’s my boyfriend.”

The woman at the counter gave him a disgusted look, “I’m sorry sir, we can only give that type of information to family.”

Mike jumped in as he saw Richie was about to explode. “Ma’am, I’m family, that’s my brother.”

She gave him a look as if to say, “Do you fucking think I was born yesterday?” but Mike quickly chimed in with, “Adopted, he’s my adopted brother.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll let his doctor know the family would like information as soon as he is available. All I know right now is that they’re taking him to Intensive Care for surgery.”

“Thank you ma’am,” Mike said sweetly, and guided Richie over to a chair in the waiting area. Bill, Mike, and Richie sat in silence. Mike was still holding Richie’s hand, which he was really grateful for.

Bill looked a little distressed as Ben and Beverly walked in, hand-in-hand, but he quickly realized he was actually so happy for them. Bev was never his. Besides, he really loved Audra. The memories that flooded back to them as they went back to Derry clouded his judgment. For a moment, he was 13 again, with a crush on the only girl who had ever paid him any attention, but sitting in that hospital now, he realized that childhood infatuation was no replacement for real love. Real love is messy, complicated, and imperfect, but it’s the only thing in the world that matters. He looked at Ben and Bev, happily lost in each other’s eyes. He looked at Richie, hunched over and shaking, his eyes full of pain and fear. Bill witnessed true love in their eyes. “I’ll be right back,” he said as he walked out of the hospital to call his wife.

Several hours passed before the doctor finally came out to talk to them. All of the Losers had passed out in the waiting room chairs except for Richie who couldn’t even begin to think about sleeping. “You’re the family of um,” he said looking at his chart, “Edward Kaspbrak?”

“Yes,” Richie said frantically, standing up.

As the doctor spoke, the other Losers all started waking up, realizing what was happening. “We’ve stabilized him and stopped the blood loss. Do you know his blood type? He needs a transfusion and it will be easier if we know that information up front.”

Richie shook his head, feeling ashamed he couldn’t help the doctor, but Beverly quickly chimed in, “O-negative, I remember because I made him give blood with me in high school. He didn’t want to because he was afraid of needles but I guilted him into it because he’s a universal donor.”

The doctor shook his head, “Thank you. We’re optimistic about his recovery but he is far from out of the woods. He sustained a puncture wound in his left lung and it collapsed on the way to the hospital. The impalement luckily missed his heart, but he sustained significant damage to his liver. He has several broken and fractured ribs, a fracture in his right arm, a broken kneecap, and we’re a little concerned about his low blood pressure, but the liver damage is the most concerning at the moment. I need to ask what he was impaled with?”

The Losers looked at each other, unsure how to answer.

Seeing their hesitation the doctor continued, “No one will be in trouble, at least not now. I have no interest in getting the cops involved until my patient’s treatment is complete … if you were worried about illegal activity?”

“N-no, it’s not that,” Bill said, “I just, d-don’t think you’d believe us.” Bills stutter had been quickly fading since Pennywise was defeated, but it was still there a little.

The doctor squinted at them. “Look, it will be extremely helpful for us to know how this happened. Our approach would change depending on if he fell and was impaled by the object or if he were stabbed with the object, for example. Any information you can provide will help ensure Mr. Kaspbrak has the best chance at survival.”

“He was stabbed by a giant crab, spider, monster thing,” Richie said quickly, following with, “The claw that impaled him was like, um, this big?” Richie held up his hands trying to approximate the size of the clown’s hooked claw. The other Losers nodded. “Yeah, like, this big.”

The doctor looked at them skeptically but continued taking notes. “We were pretty confused by this one because the wound looks as though it were the result of stabbing, but the damage to the rest of his body seems consistent with a fall.”

“He was thrown,” Richie continued in a panicked tone. “The thing, it stabbed him, he was looking right at me.”

“The monster?”

“No, no, Eddie, he was looking at me, when it just – the claw or hook or whatever, it just burst through his chest. His blood was all over me,” Richie trailed off looking sad for a moment before continuing, “and then it flung him and Eddie rolled down a rocky hill. It was horrible.”

The Losers looked concerned at Richie’s story, worried they’d end up in the psych ward, but the doctor looked unconcerned by the fantastical elements of the story, saying, “Okay, thank you, that actually explains a lot about his injuries. Now, I understand you are his adopted brother,” the doctor said, looking at Mike.

“Um, y-yes,” Mike said nervously.

“Are any of you his biological family?”

They all shook their heads no.

“Can any of you get in touch with any biological family members? We’re pretty confident he is going to need a liver transplant. It would be helpful to find someone in the family who would be willing to donate a lobe. I can test you all to see if anyone is a match, but a biological family member will have the best chance of being a match and will give the best chance at a successful transplant.”

“No,” Bev said, “we’re his only family.”

The doctor looked concerned, “He has a very rare blood type. Are any of you also O blood type? Positive or negative doesn’t matter for a transplant, but he would only be able to receive a liver from type O.”

Several of them shook their heads no, but Ben and Richie said in unison, “I don’t know my blood type.”

“Do you both want to be tested?”

Ben and Richie stood, shaking their heads yes.

The doctor sighed, “You’re both much taller than Mr. Kaspbrak. Even if you have a matching blood type, we might have issues with organ size. Please don’t get your hopes up.”

Bill, Bev, and Mike waited nervously for Ben and Richie to return. After a time, Ben came back, but Richie did not.

“W-what happened?” Bill asked.

“He’s a match,” Ben replied happily. “Richie’s O positive and they said it looks compatible.”

The Losers celebrated, but quickly realized this now meant they would be worrying as two of their friends went through surgery. “Fuck,” Bev sighed, “this means we’re going to have to stay in Derry, doesn’t it?”

Mike smiled, “It’s not so bad.”

Bill chimed in cautiously, “Well, we could just come back and visit later.”

Bev smacked him in the arm, “We can’t just leave them here!”

“I’ll check in on them, Bev,” Mike replied. “Florida can wait a little longer.”

Bev looked at Ben. He rubbed her back gently, “I’ll do whatever you want to do. We can stay if you want.”

Bill left the hospital that night, promising he would come back and visit soon. Ben and Bev decided to stay in Derry for at least a few weeks. The surgery had to wait until Eddie was well enough, but Richie still had to stay in the hospital to undergo tests. When they finished, they said he could leave and they would call him, but Richie refused. He stayed by Eddie’s side as much as they would let him and would sleep here and there when they kicked him out of the room. They had put Eddie in a medically induced coma so Richie hadn’t heard Eddie’s voice since the Neibolt house. Still, Richie would talk to Eddie, hoping that somehow, he was listening and it helped.

Finally, they felt like Eddie was healthy enough for the surgery. Richie and Eddie were prepped and shaved and taken into separate rooms. Richie’s surgery would take place first, but they needed to start Eddie’s as soon as possible once the liver lobe had been extracted. Beverly held Richie’s hand as he was wheeled down the hall. Ben, Mike, and Bev, said their goodbyes as Richie was taken into the room, but before they left, he asked Ben, “Hey, did you get it?”

Ben nodded.

Richie lied back onto the table, smiling. He asked Ben to pick something up he wanted to give to Eddie after the surgery.

As they walked down the hall, Bev was eyeing Ben suspiciously. “What was that all about?”

Ben looked coy, “Richie asked me to go buy something for him … a gift, sort of, he wanted for Eddie.” When they got back to the lobby, Ben said to Mike, “Hey man, we’ll be right back,” and pulled Beverly outside with him to a secluded spot near the hospital.

“What are you doing?” Bev asked, laughing, but then gasped as she saw Ben kneel down. He was holding out a small black box with a ring in it.

“When I went to run that errand for Richie, I got something for you as well. Bev, I’ve loved you since the moment we met, will you – “

Before he could finish Bev was kissing him, tears streaking her face. “Yes, yes, of course.”

Eight hours later, Eddie awoke to find himself surrounded by friends. He immediately noticed the giant rock on Bev’s finger and smiled at her and Ben. Bill was there with a woman Eddie could only assume was Audra. Mike was off to the side, smiling. Quickly, with concern, Eddie asked, “Where’s – “

Bev put a gentle hand on Eddie’s shoulder, “He’s okay sweetie, he’s in recovery.”

Eddie’s face twisted with worry, “Recovery? What happened?”

The Losers looked around at each other quickly realizing that Eddie had no idea what Richie had done for him. “Honey, he um, he donated part of his liver to you. He saved your life.”

Eddie’s face showed a mixture of concern, guilt, and deep gratitude. He went to speak, but instead began to cry. He felt so overwhelmed and exposed as everyone stared at him in that hospital bed. He wanted Richie. He needed to thank him.

The Losers surrounded his bed, embracing him in a group hug as they had done for Richie days earlier. Eddie felt loved and calmed. They all updated him on what had been going on in the time since Eddie boarded the ambulance. He still desperately wanted to see Richie, but felt happy to have such wonderful people surrounding him.

It would be three days before Eddie would finally get to see Richie. The Losers had all gone to visit Richie when he woke up from surgery, but since neither Richie or Eddie could walk immediately following the surgery, they had to wait to see each other. Richie was in excruciating pain. They had warned him that the recovery for living donors was more painful than for the recipient. Richie didn’t care. Any pain was worth it to know Eddie was going to be safe. “You know, I still think this is a terrible idea,” the nurse said to Richie as she helped him up out of bed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know Latoya,” Richie replied, groaning as he pulled himself upright. “Just a few minutes, please, I need to see him.”

She nodded, and help Richie into the wheelchair. She wheeled him down the hall and into Eddie’s room. “Alright, I’ll leave you two alone. Ten minutes, Tozier.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know!”

She winked at him as she left, closing the door behind her.

“Richie,” Eddie said sadly, “why did you do this?”

Richie sighed, “Well, I just couldn’t wait to get inside you.”

Eddie laughed, “How long you been sittin' on that one?”

Richie shrugged,“Since the second the doctor mentioned the word transplant.” He continued in a more serious tone, “Eds, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Let you die? We were a match. I was happy to give you a little piece of me. You want more? I’ve got this perfectly fine appendix just sitting there doing nothing!”

Eddie laughed again. “Thank you, Richie.”

Richie put a hand on Eddie’s arm, “You never need to thank me. I did this for purely selfish reasons. My life would be so boring without you.”

Eddie smiled, “I love you so much.”

“Yeah, me too, that’s why I um,” Richie paused, nervously reaching for something in the side pocket of the wheelchair, “when they took you in the ambulance, they wouldn’t let me ride with you because I wasn’t family.”

“Yeah, Rich, that’s why you lie.”

Richie continued, ignoring Eddie, “and when we got here they still wouldn’t let me see you for the same reason. I realized then and there, I didn’t want to leave this hospital without changing that.” Richie pulled out a small black box, opening it and revealing a simple silver band with ‘R+E’ engraved on it. “Do you remember the Kissing Bridge?”

Eddie nodded, “Yeah, babe, I do.” Eddie's mind drifted back to the day Richie carved their initials into the Kissing Bridge. He was so proud of his handywork, and they were both excited to have their love out in the open; hiding in plain sight. Eddie sighed fondly and held out his hand.

Richie was already crying as he excitedly slid the ring onto Eddie’s finger. They couldn’t reach each other to kiss, but Richie tried standing against Eddie’s protests before saying, “Nope, ow, ow, yeah, not yet” and sitting back down.

“We’ll have lots of time for that later,” Eddie said sweetly before continuing in a more sarcastic tone, “You know, Bev’s was bigger.”

“Well, Ben bought it for me, so blame his bias. I was a little busy getting my organs harvested for you, Eddie Spaghetti. Did Bev get any organs? Huh? Huh?”

Eddie laughed and squeezed Richie’s hand tightly. Richie squeezed back.

It was another week and a half before they could leave the hospital. The Losers all came to visit at various points. Bill and Audra were the first to say goodbye, ready to get back to their real lives, Bill promising to keep in touch. Ben and Bev were next, Bev giving Eddie a knowing wink and holding up her ring as if to say, “We got ‘em.” Mike stayed until they were released and drove them to the airport.

“Thanks, buddy,” Richie said as Mike pulled their bags out of the car for them.

“Anytime,” he replied.

“So when do you leave?” Eddie asked.

“As soon as I can. I already have everything I’m taking with me ready to go. I need to see some sun.”

“Good luck, man,” Richie said, patting Mike on the back, “keep in touch, okay?”

Mike nodded as he got back in the car and drove away, excitedly dreaming of his new life in the Sunshine State.

Richie and Eddie hadn’t told any of their friends, but they got married in the hospital. Richie was serious when he said he didn’t want to leave until they were officially family and Eddie didn’t mind. Other than the other Losers, he couldn’t imagine anyone he’d actually want to invite to a wedding. “So Eds, I was thinking.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Shut up,” Richie continued, “I was thinking instead of going to my place, maybe we go on our honeymoon.”

“Richie, we’re both still in recovery.”

“Yeah, exactly! The doctors said we need to take it easy for at least six to eight weeks. I can’t imagine a better place to take it easy than Hawaii.”

Eddie smiled, “You can afford a two month Hawaiian vacation?”

“Actually, I figured we’d stay longer, I mean, I figured there’ll be stuff we want to do when we’re back to 100%. You know, spend the first few weeks just doing the old person stuff, whale watching or whatever, then save the volcano diving for when our bodies are finally healed up!”

“You don’t know anything about Hawaii, do you?”

“Not a clue, but I’m excited to learn with you. And by the way, yes I can afford it. I got that Netflix money, bitch!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, “How the fuck am I supposed to handle you without booze for six weeks?”

Richie shrugged, “You’ll live.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, the full weight of everything they had been through hitting him in that moment, “I will.” He paused before biting his lip and looking up at Richie, “So, Hawaii?”

Richie nodded and said, “Hawaii.”

Eddie smiled, “Alright Trashmouth, let’s do it.”

In that moment, Richie felt overwhelmed with emotion. He swept Eddie off his feet, leaning him back into a Hollywood kiss. Richie’s back ached from his still healing surgery scar, but he didn’t care. He was going on an island vacation with his husband. The person he’d been in love with since they were boys loved him back, and all it cost him was a chunk of his liver. 


End file.
